good thing vaginas are great cup holders
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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