I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
