My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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