before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
