Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
