I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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