the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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