Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Someone shit on the floor
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
