Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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