My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
