Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
