It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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