Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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