It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
