i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize