Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
