if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Randomize
