your parents love me but you hate me
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Randomize
