She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
