I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
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