No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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