To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Randomize
