I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
