If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
