When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
