come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
