she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
