Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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