She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I want to be your penis for a week.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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