That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
