at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Come see our sink grown plant.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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