I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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