He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
