how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
