So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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