I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
