I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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