He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
