I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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