if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
