No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
She announced her abortion via fbk
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
