It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
