hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
