I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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