Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Randomize
