I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
