It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
