If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
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I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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