I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
