So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
