It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She's just so happy...and so naked.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
