Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
