He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
