I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
