.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
