as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
