He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
