you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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