Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
