As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Randomize
