She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
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