I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
