my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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