Duck Duck Cougar?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
