I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
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Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
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it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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