i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
