so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
