It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
