I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
