have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
