No stitches, just platelets and will power
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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