P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
