Christians are straight up FREAKS
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
