Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
