She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
