i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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