Whatcha textin bout Willis?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
