the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
