You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
