I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
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