Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
