why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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