Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
