I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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