the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
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They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
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If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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