Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
he had hair everywhere except his balls
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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