So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
