she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
