idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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