Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
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Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
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Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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