Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My vagina just clenched in fear
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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