you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
